I thought of would write a post on rejection and shame in the context of dating. I live in Toronto and Toronto is notoriously a difficult city to be on the dating scene. I find in Toronto men don’t do the hunting sort of speak. Men don’t approach women. Ive brought this up to a few guys and all Ive heard is “Ive stopped approaching women because all I get is attitude”. So if that’s the case, then the recourse is to give up? Yes, rejection is a part of life and no one wants to be rejected. However, since the dawn of time men have been the pursuers. Not everyone is going to be a home run but that should not discourage a man from going up to bat. I heard a quote recently from relationship expert Patti Stanger which said “men don’t know how to be men and women don’t know how to be women”. I think that is a big part of what I’ll call a dating crisis in today’s society. In my opinion, everyone must learn to deal with rejection as it’s a part of life. But especially for all of those singles out there (especially men) have got to get over rejection if they’d ever like to settle down and meet “the one”.
Shame on occasion can be a good thing. Shame in some respects keeps us in line. I was recently watching a documentary called Fed Up on the obesity crisis in the States. They were mentioning lobbyists for food manufacturers and soda companies make it their job to convince congress that their products are healthy. One member of congress actually said “have you got no shame?”.
Then that made me think that on some level of shame is a good thing. It helps to keep us morally sound. The idea for all of us is to realize the role shame plays in our lives and to not let it get out of hand. To use shame in the capacity of keeping our behaviour in line for example as opposed to us letting shame cripple our lives or letting the effects of shame take its toll on our self esteem.
Life is about balance – not enough shame can contribute to a lack of humanity and too much shame can cause depression, anxiety and hopelessness. Our emotions are part of us and have a right to be heard and felt. Let us also be cognizant of the role our emotions play and both the positive and negative effects. Let us use our emotions and not let our emotions use us.